Research › Relationships and family
39 answers in 27 recordings, 2017 to 2022. 29 with a checked position in his own words.
Indexed so far: 259 of 1,859 recordings (1,904 answers, 2014 to 2025). Anything below may change as the rest are indexed. Limits of the data
Oldest first. A checked position shows what he holds, then the sentence he says, word for word from the transcript, with its moment. Years without one list the answers that have not been checked yet. Recordings not yet indexed may hold more.
· Could a jinn fall in love with my spouse and break up my marriage?
Mufti Abu Layth says Muslims' stigma against mental illness pushes them to blame jinn or magic, and that jinn, if considered at all, belong to a different domain of life from humans, like extremophile Archaea, so they do not fall in love or wreck marriages.
“so offended if you say this could be a mental health issue so what do you mean like my mom my mom ain't mental”
1:48:25TranscriptCite 2017-09-20-S23corrected
· Is a relationship between a leader and a follower automatically abuse?
Mufti Abu Layth holds that a consensual relationship between adults is not abuse merely because one party has status, and that abuse of power means coercion such as a boss demanding sexual acts from a worker to keep her job.
“this must be deemed abuse no it is not abuse it is not abuse women I'm sorry but I find it insulting”
23:33TranscriptCite 2017-09-29-S08corrected
· Is it wrong to be attracted to someone because of their status or position?
Mufti Abu Layth holds that Islam leaves people to their own consensual relationships and does not judge them, and that attraction to status is natural and not in itself an abuse of power.
“Islam just leaves people to their own relationships it doesn't judge me doesn't tell people how to have a relationship”
28:32TranscriptCite 2017-09-29-S09corrected
· Did great scholars like Ibn Hajar have private lives that would be condemned today?
Mufti Abu Layth holds that conduct such as Ibn Hajar al-Asqalani's marriage to his wife's former slave girl was never treated as abuse of power or as grounds to warn the ummah against him, and that the word abuse should be kept for real abuse, not the breaking of corporate rules.
“when people use words like abuse they are dangerous words because they imply the real abuse not just oh you know you may have broken some rules of corporation”
32:22TranscriptCite 2017-09-29-S10corrected
· Is zina today the same issue it was in the past?
Mufti Abu Layth holds that much of the inherited social theory on relationships and marriage no longer matches today's circumstances and that ulama should re-analyse the context and offer suitable ijtihad.
“we are in a huge kind of crisis almost that a lot of our theory is outdated it doesn't match what we are facing today”
1:17TranscriptCite 2018-03-05b-S01corrected
· Why is it so hard for young Muslims to marry, and what are they supposed to do about desire?
Mufti Abu Layth holds that men of eighteen or nineteen are generally not ready for marriage yet have strong sexual needs, that the usual advice to fast and lower the gaze is inadequate, and that, unlike in the past, Islam today has no solution to offer to this problem, which scholarship should acknowledge.
“so this is a huge problem from a religious perspective because there is no solution Islam has zero solutions to offer today”
7:38TranscriptCite 2018-03-05b-S02corrected
· Does an exclusive boyfriend-girlfriend relationship count as a nikah?
Mufti Abu Layth holds that in the past marriage was simple, divorce was not stigmatised and other outlets were accepted, so earlier scholars never stressed this topic, whereas Muslims today have only a culturally dramatised and expensive nikah; he leaves the question whether an exclusive relationship amounts to nikah for the ulama to discuss.
“this is why they never stressed in the past on this topic what we have today is society has flipped things on its heads”
12:06TranscriptCite 2018-03-05b-S03corrected
· Should I register my nikah as a civil marriage?
Mufti Abu Layth says he is not sure civil registration is the solution for Muslim marriages, because he objects to needing the state's permission to leave a relationship, while acknowledging the financial arguments on both sides.
“I'm not so sure if civil registration civil marriage is the solution because I'll tell you what I'm against or what I dislike”
15:20TranscriptCite 2018-03-05b-S04corrected
· What should a couple agree before marriage about registering and money?
Mufti Abu Layth advises an open conversation before marriage about registration and finances, encourages women to keep independent income and property, and condemns as cultural and un-Islamic the attitude that a woman may not work.
“woman wants to work or if a woman wants this that she's not allowed to have that or she can't do this that is backwards it is nothing to do with Islam it is cultural”
20:28TranscriptCite 2018-03-05b-S05corrected
· Can a jinn fall in love with someone or break up a marriage?
Mufti Abu Layth holds that even if the jinn exist they would belong to a domain of life as remote from humans as archaea, so the idea of a jinn falling in love with someone or wrecking a marriage is absurd, and people must take responsibility for their own relationships.
“they're not the same species or genus they're not even the same domain as us”
1:00:23TranscriptCite 2018-04-15-S15corrected
· Is it rape if a husband uses religion to pressure his wife into sex?
Mufti Abu Layth says that pressuring a wife into sex by threatening her with Allah's punishment is no less rape than threatening to beat her.
“that is no less rape that's just like saying in other words a deferred beating so that's just threatening her still because it's still a threat but it's a threat with a deferred punishment”
2:33TranscriptCite 2018-07-08-S01corrected
· Do the angels curse a wife who refuses her husband in bed?
Mufti Abu Layth says he believes the hadith about a wife who stays away from her husband's bed is weak and unacceptable, clashing with the Quran.
“there's this hadith which is weak I believe it's unacceptable utterly clashes with the Quranic clashes with the authentic sana clashes with the principles of Islam”
3:50TranscriptCite 2018-07-08-S02corrected
· Is it haram to pressure a wife into sex by saying God will be angry?
Mufti Abu Layth says, repeating what he said in an earlier session, that marital rape is categorically haram and that this includes religious blackmail.
“I've said that marital rape is categorically Haram and that includes religious blackmail”
3:44TranscriptCite 2018-07-08b-S01corrected
· Is there an authentic hadith that a wife may never refuse her husband sex?
Mufti Abu Layth says that the report that a woman may not refuse her husband cannot be attributed to the Prophet without blasphemy, and challenges his critics to bring one version of it whose chain he cannot show to carry weakness or hidden defects.
“this kind of blasphemy is not attributed to our prophet salallahu alayhi wasalam you bring me one hadith one hadith that I can that cannot be criticized”
6:21TranscriptCite 2018-08-03-S02corrected
· Why is it so hard for Muslims to find a partner?
Mufti Abu Layth says there is a crisis of people trying to find relationships.
“and I think but there is a crisis I can't see there is a crisis of people trying to find relationships”
1:51TranscriptCite 2019-02-28-S01corrected
· Is a marriage between a Muslim and a non-Muslim valid?
Mufti Abu Layth says a marriage between a Muslim and a Hindu, for example, would still be valid, though it may be a disastrous choice from a religious perspective.
“even if a Muslim married a Hindu for example that then Macau would still be valid”
45:13TranscriptCite 2019-05-10-S09corrected
· What is al-Suyuti's book about sex?
Mufti Abu Layth says he cannot object to al-Ghazali's point that the closest worldly pleasure to the pleasures of paradise is orgasm.
“the pleasures of paradise is an orgasm I totally I cannot object to your mama has early on that point”
1:14TranscriptCite 2019-07-18-S01corrected
· Is forcing your wife to have sex a sin in Islam?
Mufti Abu Layth holds that coercive sex with one's wife is haram, that Muslims who deny this are the problem, and that, following Imam Malik's saying, the umma is set right by the independence to challenge inherited readings shaped by the patriarchy of past ages.
“he said well oh it's okay to you know it's not a sin to force to have coercive sex with your wife or not it's like what a new thing you want about of course it's a god it's Haram”
33:10TranscriptCite 2019-07-25-S11corrected
· Why is celibacy praised despite a hadith against it while music is condemned without one?
Mufti Abu Layth says celibacy was praised in the tradition despite a sahih hadith condemning it, because it fits people's picture of religion as suffering and self-denial, whereas music, which has no sahih hadith against it, is condemned.
“it ties in with that backdrop of suffering and indulgence anti desires and tedious and its anti Islamic but it doesn't matter because it ties in with this backdrop”
1:05:49TranscriptCite 2019-09-18-S11corrected
· Is it haram to kiss my wife in public?
Mufti Abu Layth says a greeting kiss on the cheek or forehead in public, such as those exchanged in the Gulf and seen in the Haram between men and their wives or mahram women, is not sexual and is no problem, whereas a passionate kiss in public would be.
“and personally stuff like that I think is no problem stuff like that okay”
1:50TranscriptCite 2019-12-12b-S01corrected
· Did the Prophet marry his cousin?
Mufti Abu Layth says he believes that a person can get married without a wali.
“can one get married without a Wally I do believe I do believe that you can get married without a Willie and I've got a whole video detailed on that”
2:16TranscriptCite 2020-03-08-S01corrected
· How do some imams use religion to exploit young women?
Mufti Abu Layth says imams who sell girls fantasies of a pious relationship, knowing there is a clientele for it, are as far as he is concerned absolutely despicable.
“these Imams who are selling these fantasies because they know this a clientele this punter ship for it they are as far as I'm concerned absolutely despicable”
2:26:37TranscriptCite 2020-07-14-S40corrected
Mufti Abu Layth says that a low-commitment marriage that both adults understand and are comfortable with is, he would feel, permissible.
“so i i don't see that like the first one which is more ice i see as exploitation so that i'm against but this i would feel is permissible”
2:25:08TranscriptCite 2020-08-24-S33corrected
· Can a Muslim woman marry a non-Muslim man?
Mufti Abu Layth says he feels the nikah between a Muslim and a non-Muslim would in and of itself be valid.
“i do explain in that video that the nikah in and of itself i feel would be valid between a muslim and a non-muslim”
1:05:37TranscriptCite 2020-09-22-S12corrected
· What can I do if I can't afford to marry but want to avoid zina?
Mufti Abu Layth says religion is failing people on this, not because it lacks the inbuilt mechanisms, but because scholars are not ready to have that conversation.
“this is why religion is failing people and I'm not saying religion doesn't have the inbuilt mechanisms to deal with it but Scholars ain't ready”
1:17:35TranscriptCite 2021-01-19-S19corrected
· Did the Prophet say a wife should prostrate to her husband?
Mufti Abu Layth says the report that the Prophet would have ordered wives to prostrate to their husbands is not authentic and was probably circulated to support the family hierarchy of a patriarchal society, and that the report urging violent jealousy over female relatives is likewise fabricated.
“no this hadith isn't authentic but um I feel that people may have”
50:44TranscriptCite 2021-04-06-S09corrected
· Are disgusting sexual fetishes between spouses haram?
Mufti Abu Layth says that fetishes involving impurity, however disgusting, are not haram, since contact with impurity is unclean but not forbidden and only God declares something haram, and that what consenting spouses do in private is their own business.
“So my response which is still the same that these kinks or things like this as sickening as they may be to people doesn't make them haram.”
1:07:07TranscriptCite 2021-04-06-S11corrected
· Is child marriage legal in Western countries?
Mufti Abu Layth says Western age-of-consent laws do not permit adults to marry or have relations with children, and that imams should speak with one voice in condemning child marriage.
“there needs to be a strong unified voice in condemning it and nobody says these ridiculous things like nine-year-olds and stuff like that that is just sick”
2:03:48TranscriptCite 2021-04-13-S33corrected
· Are many people's frustrations really about unmet sexual needs?
Mufti Abu Layth says unmet sexual needs underlie much unhappiness and bitterness, that Islam does not view sex negatively though institutionalised religion does, and that Freud's insights should be judged on their merits rather than on his character.
“i'm not saying islam sees it like this islam does not see sex negatively but institutionalized islam does”
2:46:34TranscriptCite 2021-04-13-S41corrected
How many of these answers cite each (guest speech left out). Cited means named as evidence or discussed, not necessarily accepted: open the answers to see which.
These answers state a view in order to discuss it, often to reject it. They are never read as his position.
Cite a statement by its id: Mufti Abu Layth Archive, segment id, with the date and the address of its page. Citation formats
