Zina, Marriage and Relationships - Mufti Abu Layth al-Maliki

I think that's a very interesting question Xena is it really today what it was back then [Music] you see I I agree with you Ibrahim right whoops cor saying yes haha oops is trying to create a scandal but I do appreciate that I do appreciate the kind of comments shukran shukran but this is going to scandalize me it's like what's that maker auto Salah character delay if I do anything becomes a scandal of

Carter a much more ham Baba so right coming back to to this this point I would well I agree with you that today we are in a problem huge parts of the Islamic not the Creed side not the faith side but the practice the social element side of Islam is in a huge whoops I'm only joking I'm only joking relax how is it gonna become a scandal so so

the thing is look we are in a huge kind of crisis almost that a lot of our theory is outdated it doesn't match what we are facing today that comes with the bulk of Islamic rulings and teachings not teach easy teachings could cover other aspects like things like beliefs and stuff like that I'm not talking about that I'm talking more about the kind of social side things like relationships today are

massively problematic and I don't know what the solution is but I would welcome a discussion an open honest transparent discussion by Allah ma where they are prepared to kind of have to reanalyze our context and come up with suitable HD hardened right so this is the this is the understanding fakers look in our day and age if we're going to face it look marriage it's it just

does it's such I mean it's become such a headache it's not these people are gonna think I'm just kind of venting here I'm be I'm just being honest with the kind of cases that I deal with that you see first of all to get into a relationship is so hard work marriages cost so much huge costs such a big dude such a big social event people you could either buy a house or get married nowadays that's like the cost that you're looking at now okay almost half a house to be fair now

then divorces are outcasted polygamy polygamy is kind of its kind of disowned and seen as kind of like really look down upon divorces are stigmatized then we've got like expectations that are kind of very idealistic of relationships like relationships with we're confused between a eastern and western like a traditional understanding where everything was pragmatic so it didn't matter you just got on with life like

let's say the generation of our parents it was never it's just about just getting on with life and functioning so they have that pragmatism so we're confused between that and an idealist a romanticism of which is emerging with the Instagram culture of you know I'm drinking coffee with BAE or I'm having a milkshake and and every day they were at this kind of dessert place so we're kind of you know this kind of culture where everything is just hyper like romantic sighs which isn't I don't think it's

real I mean I suppose is a guy probably you never understand romance anyway but that said that that said these things are not okay maybe for some people for some time it works but it's not real you know this kind of Instagram life is not a real life so the problem is that issues people getting depressed then they don't know how to kind of cope and then when do you get married like people say you know Enoch in our societies people would say oh do you like her why

do you just get married what kind of a recipe for disaster is that so people are like look at and then young younger people at least say somebody 18 19 getting married seriously humanity humanity gives a loss on people humanity gives charity doing some great work in the Midlands helping homeless people orphans so if you if you want to get involved in some charity work reach out connect like and donate in Charlotte right so look so now you've got all of

these issues if somebody was like 18 19 imagine them getting married especially guys at that age aren't that the immaturity is unreal and and then what so then they're like well you know so people say no you must get married and other people say no just wait just wait but then we live in a hyper sexualized society where everything is about kind of either about everything is about sex or it's about romance which I suppose is connected to the first thing or it's

about like so living the life of being happy being and so what we have just doesn't work anymore and so the question is what is the solution i I don't I wish I had solution but and then people are like old you know they don't know what to do and God and you know like I have so many people reach out I I wish I had a solution but the ulema are refusing to engage the scholars are refusing to recognize that as a problem they just saying look what do I mean by immaturity

well like look let's face it an 18 year old a 19 year old is not really ready to to be married because all that's gonna happen as it does happen in some of these things so he gets married it's it will like I don't even need to it just leads to for example unwanted pregnancies it leads to great kind of like oh I made this mistake oh you never really right anyway oh and I mean this too many examples that I come across to kind of go through the fights the lack

of communication the but that the issue is I'll tell you what the issue is the issue is people are not ready for for kind of full-on living in couple mother and father relationships are young ages like let's say 18 19 even in the early to maybe sometimes it's the woman is but the man is older that's different but I'm talking about the men being that young now but at the same time they have a strong need for sex so this is a huge problem from a religious perspective

because there is no solution Islam has zero solutions to offer today now in the past and I'm not trying to say whether it's good or bad I'm not trying to justify I'm not trying to I'm just saying suspend your judgment for a moment but none of these things were an issue I mean one of the song people just got on with life divorce wasn't stigmatized people got married where they didn't get want to get married they had concubines so that was like don't worry about it why should I get married they're like well I could just I've all of these now I'm not trying to pass

a judgement I'm saying that that was whether it's good of what I'm trying to say is that they had solutions though so this fast and keep your gaze down get real joyed Jakub you obviously haven't tried to say that in the face of high levels of testosterone fast blast what the hell would I want to fast for

look let's face it so what these things are absurd this is why I find them in our day and age to be highly inept and inadequate responses cold showers no you don't need cold showers right you need what you need is obviously sexual interaction you don't need cold showers it's like you know like so let's get real now this is why people snap so today if

the Muslims would like the scholarship would first of all acknowledge that is a problem well started Omar Khouri she animus Island Tushar Rovner right so people started omar doing some awesome research from the states with legends like dr. sherman jackson so right there in the house so you can reach out to him inshallah right so yeah so i wish people would kind of have an open and honest kind of discussion on this and say that look in our day and age what is the solution because if we're going to be honest somebody asked a question that look a girlfriend and boyfriend

situation is that not equivalent to Anika that when a girlfriend and a boyfriend go Mitra go exclusive with each other everybody knows that they're a couple everybody they attend events as a couple they do all these things as a couple would that not become full under Amica in a sense as in people recognizing their exclusivity and I said look I think that is a very interesting and good question I wish that the orlimar today would kind of acknowledge and embrace these things and start to kind of like bring them onto the table

but the problem is they won't can someone volunteer to be a concubine why not what was that famous line that that guy said about the ha ha damn I forgot now that the famous one about half I got I forgot but anyway so the you see the base desires have always been there but there's been huge one thing in the past is that the outlets were never an issue

so in the past marriage was not an issue it was very simply done divorce was not an issue if you're having an issue you just went your own ways marrying divorce was not stigmatized polygamy was the norm it was accepted that men had sexual kind of other partners men were allowed to have many for example other sexual partners as an example I'm giving now these like concubines and things like this in the past I'm speaking about now what I'm trying to say is that this is why they never stressed in the past on this topic what we have today is society has flipped things on its heads or

societies become hyper sexualized and Muslims just have this option of Mecca which is highly dramatized with culture and then made into a very expensive event and then locked into so it's become problematic so anyway I mean that's I I want to go on to a different topic which there's a program which I didn't really watch completely yet and I've got to watch about Muslim women in the UK have you seen the hotties out there come

on gilad G naughty naughty right so I mean what do you want us to say send pictures on here is that what you want us to say yeah it's because of this kind of a sense of humor that I get I get myself in trouble am i embedding it come on like by saying that like what do you want us to say like send oh god I need to my humor can get me into trouble I tell you

I tell you ah so yeah so I want to get back to this motel that I think may be for Lamar were to discuss these things again and prepare be prepared to have an open discussion on them right so safe hand-on II caught the stream for the first time a long silence the shot Ruffner the Heyman loved it right such a sash such a Paris alright so exactly look it's nothing whether you're married or not married it doesn't really make a

difference the male brain is only preoccupied with one thing anybody who says anything else is a lying Kappa all right I take that back I take that back right I take that back that's my humor going out of control no no no rights other point is I want to get to this discussion of I want to get to this discussion of there was a program about Muslim women in the UK that were getting

married and they were saying that look they didn't know that basically the nikah and the civil marriage these are two different things okay right so arre Shahana allakum assalaam yep any question you can post your questions I'll try to in Charlotte get to them click like click share get the live feed out there people right so you see the issue is this though look you know I know because people say yeah but Muslim women I'm not so sure if civil

registration civil marriage is the solution because I'll tell you what I'm against or what I dislike and I I dislike the fact that if there was no longer to be a relationship that you cannot leave that relationship officially until the state endorses it I'm against that kind of I'm free-spirited people yeah if I want to be in a relationship or out of a relationship why do I need permission from the state why do I need to go to court for a year to plead to be out of a relationship

why yeah it's a free world i if i want to be you know that's like saying if i don't want to be friends with somebody i need to go to court and it's gonna take a year or a year and a half to get an official document to say i can't be friends with you so this is the problem with state kind of like civil registration marriages I have a problem with that as to the financial side of things look the problem the problem here is as well and I'm gonna I'm net look we already know this this is why a lot of

people do not do this as well because they will say that look oh they will say that look Oh like let's say a guy says look this is my house my car I've got this you know I've earned it now if we go get married and let's say next year you want to leave you want half of my house so people will say look I'm not happy with that and to be fair I can understand they're coming from in that angle whether it's a man or a woman but at the same time I can understand there is a flip side to this argument that if you said to a woman that look let's say

there's me in 20 years of a relationship and you could not I did not I like I've refused or that you should go and work and develop for yourself then now we end the relationship what do you have that's also a wrong so I accept that I accept both sides to the argument but the problem is both of these are so how do they fit because they both kind of like they're repelling the magnetism is repelling people so how do we so I would say look before you are about to get

married right you can have a very open conversation with the other person if you are adamant that you want this registered you can make it clear either the person will agree or they won't that's one way the other way when are you going to compete ruts Rock missions I don't even know what that is all right so the other the other side is that if the other person is not prepared to register the relation the marriage the person says look I just want a relationship we can live together

we can be one family but I don't want to register because I'm against this kind of concept then you can make it clear I feel that you can make it very clear that look you will still continue to live your individual life as well that you will work like if you want to work you will work that you will keep your money to invest towards yourself as well so if a woman wants to keep her money or let's say keep a portion of her money that she will always invest so let's say some women they could be married but she could say look I want to buy a house separately or mining I want to put that

on rent and I want to you know that will be my separate income alhamdulillah I think that is a bridge an idea I encourage those kind of ideas because this will keep you as a woman independent you are not dependent on the man yes you are together you're working together you're both contributing but should things fall out you can go your way you can go his way you've got you know you've got something you've got a stable place you've got you've got a property you've got an income you've got things so what I'm trying to say is I

think they can be an honest conversation at the beginning of a relationship to say look this is what I want and then you can negotiate what I do condemn is I condemn those that approach that attitude that some people have that if a woman wants to work or if a woman wants this that she's not allowed to have that or she can't do this that is backwards it is nothing to do with Islam it is cultural and it's not even truly cultural of places like Pakistan because even in Pakistan which the majority of which is rural the vast majority of all

rural women go out and work and they work in the fields they do the crops they do all these things I've witnessed it with my own eyes so to say that women can't go out or they shouldn't go out is backwards that is an insecurity that lies with you but I do accept the fact that some men are they would be concerned that look like this is something I've had that if I if I go register something - how do I not know this isn't just for my you know you're not just in this relationship 13 months from today you could be in court saying you want half of my property and you want half of this and then you just want

to enjoy that really with somebody else now these suspicions in these societies they're not good suspicions to have but I do understand that people have these suspicions okay next question Harley they are married to your judges I've got no idea on anabolic steroids permissible steroids are an issue of legality and not an issue of theology they are haram but they are an issue of legality in the West Bank they work there as well I was there for a while it's great to hear Cameron I agree that and this is just insecurities that certain people have and I think that's Harley you're gonna get blocked enough of the TED talk

right you do not have to encourage that they were the original masculinity and the custom controlled those rights that women want is cannabis all right behave state and government love it because they get paid for divorces exactly I'm against that kind of state control I'm against totalitarianism people Orwellian states and me just do not go together next I tell you what let's take some rapid round questions people right let's take some rapid rounds prenups prenups in the UK don't work that's the problem they're not legally binding in the UK

right so let's take some of these questions let's have some rapid round Steven Gertie house you eyes good man good mustache they're gonna stand instead how are you right so that's so true women should be independent sounding a lot like his Mata Hari today Musti well I yeah Hoobler but I should sound like his but I did I'm always I've always been against totalitarianism I feel that the government should always

they should always be a last say how is it laissez-faire laissez-faire I think they pronounce it that a kind of hands-off approach to ruling people