My Mum's birthday - The Parent-Child Journey #Reflections

Assalamu alaykum folks. Today is my mom's birthday. Allah bless her afterlife and everybody who's you know women I don't know I thought I'd sit here and share some reflections with you guys that many of you must have journeyied through grief

You must have lost people unfortunately very central to your lives and this yeah it's a different dunya isn't it that the that you then embody inhabit you walk through it's kind of the same but a different just time to time I

this. It just has a different nuance of flavor. I don't say this in a bad way, but just different. And in many ways it it is a ironically almost a blessing to see a higher resolution of life.

You know this you it's like it shifts from 4K to the next highest revolution uh resolution. Yeah. And I wonder how you all get through it. You know, my it's interesting that parents, huh, like many of us that are parents, we are those roads for our children.

You know, we're I think it was in the TV series This Is Us where he says that that our appearance are so many things to us at the same time. They're so complex and comp that perhaps that's why they loom larger than life in our heads. And I guess we are that to our children and them to this.

You know, this this is the and the journey it's wow. You know when my my relationship with my was a very complicated complex and especially when we were young. I mean we

we I mean there's no really other way about it. It was just pure suffering. You know, we had a very very I joke about it sometimes, a militaryra upbringing. I mean, it it was just so traumatizing. But I guess, you know, when I got older, I realized that, you know, it's not about people's faults.

It's just people don't know, you know, they don't nobody. Everybody is winning and And they did their best, you know, when I read somewhere once many years ago, they say that parents, you know, children are like vessels or like glasses and like a glass and the parents leave their fingerprints.

And in that book, the person said, "And some smash the glass to pieces." And I guess in some way we did experience some of that journey. But as we grew older, we I really learned to you have to transcend all of that and stop being negative and blaming or looking for and in that is an amazing freedom, you know, and and it's it's like a metamorphosis like you emerge a different being after that.

My relationship with my mom for the last maybe 15 years plus probably around give or take was amazing. You know, it was such a um powerful blessed bond. And some people they do that, you know, they have you know how mass has a gravitational pull.

So metaphysically or not even metaphysically in a way that maybe is related to consciousness and the and that there is a gravitational pull there's a there's a poem in Arabic there's a a line that says that this person he It was really important and uh he passes away and they

says but he was not just an individual that perished. He was a foundation that was holding an entire building and with him the building dilapitated. Some people they have that pull you know and I don't mean it in a way that maybe maybe in some cases lives disintegrate following them.

It's like this celestial body that loses its planetary um you know that those that are orbiting. But in some cases maybe they don't. They just go on to be but the effect remains.

It is strange you know I I do I wonder how many of how you guys will go through it. I guess. Yeah. You know, because everybody this journey I I call it journeying through grief in the sense that other people it might that we relate, isn't it?

We have a there's we have a a strange web of bond with one another. People we've never even met. You know, sometimes you meet somebody and you it's like you've known them for so from time and you've it's the first time you've ever met them and what do they say like a kindred spirit and we believe that in the arwa we're souls where pure consciousness of us was brought into

being that that some souls drew closer to others and that's how the hadith explains we have and and some drew away and that explains the repulsion and the attraction because attraction as well is something we it's we can't explain it can we it's like uh Jean Paul Satra said that he was an, you know, an existentialist hardcore and um and and he says, well, you know, man

is doomed to be free and and all our choices are our own liabilities and actions. But but he says, of all the human choices, attraction is one we can't rationally explain. It's as if there is an inner compass. But yeah, so I wonder that how we we heal through, you

know, we heal through through time through but also also through healing others. I guess you know by healing others one heals and there's that cathosis the poet you know when he says so true isn't it just

Yeah, it's true that we these emotions bound to one another through our own sense of experience. Like I experience if I encounter somebody an emotion that resonates, it causes a bond between us. We forever remain bound, you know, with by these

bonds and they're in our presence. So don't and I say this to people who are experiencing this as well that they are still you know in psychoanalysis in Lanian they have this symbolic other.

This is why people who don't understand psychology and or haven't really studied it don't you know unfortunately recognize these nuances of reality that there is always this connection this bond which you in the second person can address at times you can talk to without them being there and they are in that way the bonds are

Yeah, I share this. It may be that it I resonates with. I speak to a lot of people who speak about traumatized childhoods and I mean truth be told it shapes much of the journey of life that comes ahead.

But and they hold this, you know, like resentment and you have to set it free. You know, you have to you have to realize that it's not about faults

and causes. It's just about it is and from that is you find meaning and to really I suppose cherish what one does have. I I thought I'd just sit here share these thoughts with you guys.

May Allah bless everyone, you know, bless you all. Bless the afterles of each and all that have passed.