# What can I do if I can't afford to marry but want to avoid zina?

*No means to marry: how can people avoid zina, and why religion is failing them*

- URL: https://muftiabulayth.org/r/hv-blbvtr4m/s/19/
- Date: 2021-01-19 · Kind: question · Transcript tier: machine · Recording: Monday Nights with Mufti #198 | Q&A Unscripted & Unrestricted! 😉 | Mufti Abu Layth (1:17:06–1:24:37)
- Status: general teaching
- Watch from the start of the segment: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hv-BlBVTr4M&t=4626s
- Recording page: https://muftiabulayth.org/r/hv-blbvtr4m/

**Topics:** Marriage; Sexual ethics; Polygamy and mut'ah

**Question as asked:** What is the solution for people who don't have the means to marry, and avoiding zina?

**Summary (not a quotation; machine-made, unchecked):** Mufti Abu Layth has no easy answer: religion is failing people here because scholars and cultures will not discuss options, and marriage has become too costly for the young.

**Checked position (checked by two independent reviews, not by the channel):** Mufti Abu Layth says religion is failing people on this, not because it lacks the inbuilt mechanisms, but because scholars are not ready to have that conversation.

**Evidence, his words at 1:17:35:** “this is why religion is failing people and I'm not saying religion doesn't have the inbuilt mechanisms to deal with it but Scholars ain't ready” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hv-BlBVTr4M&t=4655s)

## Longer summary

Mufti Abu Layth calls a question on what people without the means to marry should do to avoid zina a very serious one, and says religion is failing people here, not for lack of inbuilt mechanisms but because scholars, the gatekeepers of God, are not ready to have that conversation, and cultures are not ready either. He tentatively suggests that maybe things like mut'ah [?], or recognising certain exclusive relationships in a way similar to nikah, could be answers, but notes that Muslim cultures do not allow dating. He argues that medieval people probably had more access to sex, through slave girls, servants and the affairs described in the books of adab, and that religion then, whatever one thinks of its morality, worked pragmatically with people's lives. Today, he says, religion only offers formal marriage while society demands 'the one' and an extravagant, costly wedding, so a nineteen- or twenty-year-old cannot marry, which he calls a difficult challenge facing religion.

## Sources and names cited

- zina
- nikah
- mut'ah (temporary marriage) [?]

## Transcript (machine tier, 1:17:06–1:24:37)

[1:16:28] mhm SJ inia how come Paradise is so sensual that's an interesting sorry are you just asking in sorry sorry would you like us to leave the chat and leave the i s huh having a oneway convo on the on the live chat somebody said uh I'm looking at the sorry muy instead of listening to you I'm looking at the live chat

[1:17:06] ah what is the solution for people who don't have the means to marry and avoiding Zena see this is a very this is a very real question and I think uh Asim said pole dancing gets you closer to God direct Channel

[1:17:35] Direct huh this isn't theaa I thought you know is pole was also used in Islamic terminology for for somebody saintly they're like CH this isn't the now uh but coming back to that ser serious question I feel that is a very serious question I don't I think look in many ways the truth is this is why religion is failing people and I'm not saying religion doesn't have the inbuilt mechanisms to deal with it but Scholars ain't ready you know the people The

[1:18:15] Gatekeepers of God The Gatekeepers of God ain't ready to have that conversation so you know it is what it is and it just I guess because you can't say to people you know these urges and these things are natural natural so you can't say to people oh just don't it's like no listening this one deaf so the uh right so but the truth is what are some solutions then and then the problem

[1:18:52] is all that so cultural thing that's another problem you know we're not ready to have that conversation either so yeah man it's a it's a proper you know it's it's a proper crap storm isn't it because the it isn't maybe I would say maybe mut things like this are are answers uh maybe you know the recognition of certain relationships to have a similar understanding because of exclusivity as a nikah but then the cultural issue comes

[1:19:31] in that people ain't allowed for you know that that kind of dating thing isn't there so in the Muslim cultures so it's just I don't know it's like trying to say let's operate according to a medieval kind of manual in a Cosmopolitan 21st century part of the world but the truth is even the you know the medieval people weren't like that because in all honesty the medieval people will probably had more

[1:20:07] access to to sex to the sacks you know then people today in maybe not all people so I I don't think there was an equal distribu today there's probably more of a distribution of uh of access so whereas I suppose in the past because the Divide between the Haves and the Have Nots was much you know desperate much more so so Stark but today it's less so in certain parts of the world so there's more access but

[1:20:46] strangely it's you know today it's an issue it is I I and then Society is hypersexualized as well so I get that but yeah I think in the past people were quite you know you have to remember there was uh there was what the right hand the right hand the credit card possesses you know the credit card so you have to remember and there were things like and this is I suppose people would say from a male perspective yeah uh they would say that you know I'm sure the men were sleeping with all the the maids and the

[1:21:24] they were you know they had all the slave girls the maids servants wives just the sorry I went into a daydream mode there so but you know in all honesty you don't know the women as well were probably with all this with all the the the what is it the servants and the and the other male workers around them and stuff and I think you know in all honesty it must have been happening it must have you know if you read the books of adab and literature you they speak about yeah that they were having Affairs and women with women were having

[1:22:04] Affairs in fact I I remember reading with one uh book about uh it was explaining why the woman was actually and this is Medieval Muslim Arab obviously from the scholarly thing but why they were justifying it they were saying look it's it's uh it's just much C I suppose not they weren't saying clean from a sanitary perspective but they were saying it's like there's no pregnancy you know in in lesbianism and there's no this and no that and yeah so I think they were all up to it as well and and in many ways much more up to it and today I think it's maybe distributed

[1:22:42] more but because the you know the the hyper hype of it has kind of gone up so much yeah but it is a mess and the religion today the problem with you see religion back then just kind of accepted it so whether you agree with it or not like you could say look why did Islam you know why do the scholars say this is okay that's okay having sex servants is okay but in all honesty from a pragmatism point of view just putting the morality aside their religion kind of worked for them maybe not all the way but in a huge part of the way it kind of

[1:23:22] worked for them it it didn't kind of imped their lifestyle it worked with it um maybe not 100% of the way but to a great degree and today there's just like religion just doesn't offer really anything it just says well okay why don't you have a formal marriage and and who the who the hell's going to and not people I ain't ready to do that and people ain't ready to you know because Society then says oh if you're going to marry it's got to be the one the one you know the one the one it's like you know who the hell is this one

[1:24:00] the one and it's like oh my God you know oh my and then the wedding's got to be it's Extravaganza and it's got to be like whoa you know some and so did this and I got to do this and and it's so competitive uh that and and it costs a lot it's incredibly costing so people they ain't you know it's definitely like let's say you get a 19y old a 20 they wouldn't be in a position to do that no way I mean um maybe when they're close to 30 yeah so um these are some very

[1:24:36] difficult kind of um challenges facing religion in this day and age let's take shran those of you sending the super chats saying to know people their true lives Zeba says it's hard to get to know people their true lives so hard to find real honest people yeah but I that's true I I

## Cite

Mufti Abu Layth Archive, segment Hv-BlBVTr4M/s/19. https://muftiabulayth.org/r/hv-blbvtr4m/s/19/

Not a fatwa: these answers were given to specific people at specific times. Ask a qualified scholar about your own situation.