# Should I refuse to shake hands with the opposite sex where it is the custom? *How scholars answered the Umm Haram report, and Mufti Abu Layth's view: follow your convention and choose your battles* - URL: https://muftiabulayth.org/r/h8sxk-2-w-4/s/4/ - Date: 2018-05-04 · Kind: lesson · Transcript tier: machine · Recording: Hadith Analysis: Why men and women CAN shake hands -Mufti Abu Layth (9:10–12:26) - Status: general teaching - Watch from the start of the segment: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8SXk-2-W-4&t=550s - Recording page: https://muftiabulayth.org/r/h8sxk-2-w-4/ **Topics:** Interaction between men and women; Individual hadith explained; Islam and modernity **Summary (not a quotation; machine-made, unchecked):** Follow the convention you are in: where people do not shake hands, do not; where they do, you may act on the fatwa of the scholars who permit it, since no clear verse or hadith forbids it. Losing citizenship over a handshake was not a battle worth choosing. **Checked position (checked by two independent reviews, not by the channel):** His own understanding is that one follows the convention of one's society: where people do not shake hands one does not, following the general ulama, but where it is the convention one may act on the fatwa of the scholars who permit it, since, as many ulama say, no clear verse or hadith makes it haram, and Muslims should choose their battles wisely. **Evidence, his words at 11:02:** “my own understanding is look you go with your conventions okay so if you're in a convention where people don't do this you you don't do this” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8SXk-2-W-4&t=662s) ## Longer summary Mufti Abu Layth reports how scholars tried to answer the Umm Haram report: Ibn Abd al-Barr suggested she was a foster sister of the Prophet, which later scholars such as al-Hafiz al-Dimyati [?] tore apart by going through the lineages, showing a relation too distant to make her a mahram; Qadi Iyad suggested it was specific to the Prophet (khususiyya), which others problematised, and Ibn Hajar in Fath al-Bari writes that the report shows the permissibility of a guest napping at people's homes and of a woman who is not his mahram serving him, inclining to the view that she was unrelated. Some scholars therefore said there was nothing wrong in it since it was not sexual, while most tried to make it specific to the Prophet; these evidences are used by the shaykhs of al-Azhar, al-Qaradawi [?], Ahmad al-Tayyib [?], the European fatwa council and Bin Bayyah. Mufti's own understanding is that one goes with one's convention: where people do not shake hands one does not, and he would go with the general ulama, but he highlights that this fatwa exists and that where it is the convention one may act on it. He asks whether it was wise for the woman to make a battle of this to the point of losing her citizenship, not that the French were right, when so many ulama say there is no clear verse or hadith making it haram and there is ikhtilaf; Muslims, he says, need to choose their battles wisely. ## Sources and names cited - report: umm haram bint milhan would comb the prophets hair and prepare his food and he would nap at her house - Umm Haram bint Milhan - Ibn Abd al-Barr - al-Hafiz al-Dimyati [?] - Qadi Iyad - khususiyya (a ruling specific to the Prophet) - Ibn Hajar al-Asqalani - Fath al-Bari - mahram - al-Azhar - Yusuf al-Qaradawi [?] (name garbled in the transcript) - Shaykh al-Azhar Ahmad al-Tayyib [?] - the European fatwa council [?] (as he names it, the Islamic fatwa council of Europe) - Shaykh Abdullah bin Bayyah - ikhtilaf (difference of opinion) - the case of a woman refused French citizenship over her refusal to shake hands (2018) ## Transcript (machine tier, 9:10–12:26) [9:05] now all the yelled brings a lot of these narrations in the Shiva and then obviously the huge conundrum of how do we answer this so scholars have really struggled massively to answer that and what's interesting is even after Bart tried to say maybe she was like a foster sister of the Prophet through this foster relationship and later scholars like halfway the dome yachty really go out tearing that argument saying this is nonsense because how could have she been a foster sister and he goes through the [9:43] whole the kind of chains of the lineage showing that she wasn't she was related as such a distant but that didn't make her a Muharram but what's interesting is cause the ER says that we'll look maybe this is hosue SIA right this is specific with the Prophet but then this is problematized by some people saying how could it what even a hogr writes infertile body that were fee he Josue callate wife that this hadith shows the permissibility of a guest to stay and kind of take a nap with people [10:23] and he says even Raja was a hit man and having people a woman serving him who is not his Maharaja was a kid my telomere until a jina ble life be a Tommy he or what some he'd Lihue and preparations for him and then he goes on to say well and here we've got but he mentions a Jinnah BIA so he even inclines to the fact that she was not related to the Prophet so then some scholars said well that's because it was not a doing this is not a kind of there's nothing wrong with this and it wasn't a kind of in any way like a sexual thing it's just general [11:02] just helping and but most the scholars kind of tried to eat know how did you try to say well maybe it was just specific with the Prophet then but these evidences have been used by a lot of these Shu Havel Azhar by people like our bar we by Cher Ahmed Rajib by the fatwa forum for Islamic forum of a Europe the Islamic fatwa Council of Europe sorry my shelf in bayer by all these kind of people that are highlighted what I would say is that look if you're in a situation if you're in a convention my own understanding is look you go with your conventions okay so if you're in a convention where people don't do this [11:40] you you don't do this so I would go with the general ala ma but I would highlight I look this fatwa is this so if you're in a convention where people do this you can take this fatwa and you can act according to it so you just need to choose your battles like on one hand was it really wise for the woman to make to make this such a battle to lose her citizenship over not that the French were right in doing so but her making this such a battle when so many ala ma said look there isn't actually even a clear verse of the Quran or a hadith clear Sunnah saying it's Haram and there's all this esta laughs like I'm [12:20] just saying I think sometimes as Muslims we need to choose our battles wisely ## Cite Mufti Abu Layth Archive, segment H8SXk-2-W-4/s/4. https://muftiabulayth.org/r/h8sxk-2-w-4/s/4/ Not a fatwa: these answers were given to specific people at specific times. Ask a qualified scholar about your own situation.