# How do I deal with toxic people and negativity around me?

*Advice for 2021: leave toxic circles; Juha, his son and the donkey*

- URL: https://muftiabulayth.org/r/eo90sv4jvho/s/9/
- Date: 2021-01-05 · Kind: lesson · Transcript tier: machine · Recording: Monday Nights with Mufti #196 | Q&A Unscripted & Unrestricted! 😉 | Mufti Abu Layth (31:00–36:22)
- Status: latest answer on its topic; general teaching
- Watch from the start of the segment: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eo90sV4JVHo&t=1860s
- Recording page: https://muftiabulayth.org/r/eo90sv4jvho/

**Topics:** Negative thoughts and mindset; Friendship and social life; Goals, habits and willpower

**Summary (not a quotation; machine-made, unchecked):** Leave toxic groups and block negativity, since people can never be pleased; he adds that he finds most religious circles toxic.

**Checked position (checked by two independent reviews, not by the channel):** Mufti Abu Layth says that, in his perspective, most religious circles are unfortunately toxic, suffocating and claustrophobic.

**Evidence, his words at 35:48:** “I I I go a step further to say that unfortunately most religious circles are toxic” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eo90sV4JVHo&t=2148s)

## Longer summary

As a new year's resolution, Mufti Abu Layth advises removing oneself from circles of toxicity: leaving WhatsApp groups and echo chambers, finding new friends and blocking people online who frustrate you. He cites a report that a man who builds a house will only hear that he should have placed the door elsewhere, meaning people can never be pleased. He tells the story of Juha and his son travelling with a donkey, criticised whichever of them rides, when both ride and when both walk, and concludes that one cannot please everyone, so let 2021 be the year of focusing on your own goals. He then defers a super chat on the meaning of rightly guided caliph and Muawiya to later, and responding to a chat comment he adds that, controversially, he finds most religious circles toxic and suffocating and advises having friends who are just normal people.

## Sources and names cited

- Juha
- report: a man built a house and people said if only he had placed the door elsewhere

## Transcript (machine tier, 31:00–36:22)

[30:21] Many of the companions would do things like this is I mean I don't the fact I even have to explain this is so stupid. I you know I shouldn't even have to even it's it's a insult to humanity but yeah so I I wanted to shim that somebody had sent it to me and it did rile me up a bit and I thought well I need to speak about it and you know what I would say is look my advice is with this new year you can take it as a new year's resolution Remove

[30:59] yourself from these circles of toxicity. Do not allow yourself to be bombarded by such negativity. If you are on particular WhatsApp groups, remove yourself.

[31:20] If you are part of these toxic echo chambers, then start making new circles of friends. Or if you've got others, shift over to them. If you're streaming social media and you know people are hating on you or doing, you know what? Yeah. If you want to comment, comment. If you want to, you know, if you can take it uh and you you want to give back, then go for it.

[31:49] But if you, you know, if it frustrates you, just block these people. Believe me, it is so easy. Just block them and move on because you don't need that kind of negativity in your life, you know. And these people will never be they'll never be content, you know. It doesn't matter what you do.

[32:14] You know there's a hadith of the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam where he says it's transmitted as a hadith that a that a person comes and he he builds a house and the and the whole purpose of it the only thing people say is you know if only he had placed the door over there he had done such and such and you get the famous story and the purpose of this is that mankind you can never please them.

[32:45] And you get this story of Ja and you know the famous uh he's an Arab uh you get it's he's an Arab uh uh he's a comical figure used to kind of for satire but the story is that Jua and his son are traveling with a donkey. So what happens is Ja says uh to his son that look why don't you ride the donkey.

[33:18] So they're riding and they pass a bunch of people and people say y they say look at this guy what a disrespectful son you know he's going he's making his dad walk no shame no shame yeah toba toba so they they go yeah you know you're right it's embarrassing so the son gets off and the and uh and the dad ja sits on and he's going and they pass by another bunch of people and they say yeah look at this guy riding on a, you know, strong man riding on a donkey himself, making his little

[33:54] kid walk. What a dim. So they go, you know what? They've got a point as well. Point it. Yeah. Point. Point. So they say, let's both of us sit on this donkey. So they pass another bunch of people. And these people say, "Yeah, look at these idiots, dims, oppressors. two people on top of one mskine donkey.

[34:21] How is this donkey supposed to, you know, supposed to carry the proper oppressors have got no compassion? So they they look at each other and they say, you know, point punto punto. So So they say, you know what, let's get off. So they're both walking and they've got this donkey behind them. So they pass another bunch of people. Those guys go, "Look at these idiots walking in this weather when they've got a donkey."

[34:55] So, you know that that you know that you'll never make people or you know you can never please everyone. So, just focus on yourself on your own goal. Let 2021 be that year. Okay, so cool. Let's take some of your questions. Some of you have sent in some super chats.

[35:23] Um, Amar Karim, you've sent a super chat. Can you explain what does rightly guided caiff mean? Are you saying Muawia thought Imm Ali was rightly guided when he went to war against him? H okay let me uh come back to to that question. I'm going to circle back to it.

[35:48] Nick Hobbes has said remove yourself from circles of toxicity honestly and I I I go a step further to say that unfortunately most religious circles are toxic. You know, if you've got if try and rem I know this is going to sound controversial, but I would say try and have circles of friends who are just normal people, you know, not just the because these religious circles, they they're very very suffocating and claustrophobic and toxic in my perspective.

[36:21] Right. Uh I'm going to come back to that question on the um uh about the right. So Adnan Ashraf Salam I have a question on two things. One is mortgage, one is doing urine.

## Cite

Mufti Abu Layth Archive, segment eo90sV4JVHo/s/9. https://muftiabulayth.org/r/eo90sv4jvho/s/9/

Not a fatwa: these answers were given to specific people at specific times. Ask a qualified scholar about your own situation.